Happiness. What is that exactly?

When someone ask.. am i happy or not.. I just answered, I don’t know..

Every night i’m lying in bed.. too many things going through my mind.. trapped between tiredness, heavy heart, sleepiness.. but cannot sleep at least till 2 o’clock.. is that happiness?

So are you happy?
I don’t know. Really don’t know..

What do you do.. when the one who broke your heart is the only one who can fix it?
Yes, in life we all make plans, but sometimes, they don’t turn out the way we expected.by trying to help out, we may damage a relationship,By attempting to reach out, we may push someone further away.By digging into the past, way may enrich our present. But then there are those who refuse to let go of their plans, no matter how badly they are turning out.
It’s often said that no matter the truth, people see what they want to see. Some people might take a step back and find out they were looking at the same big picture, all along. Some people might see that their lies have almost caught up to them. Some people may see what was there all along. And then there are those other people, the ones who run as far as they can so they don’t have to look at themselves.
Gossip Girl
Destiny. To believe that a life is meant for a single purpose, one must also believe in a common fate. Father to daughter, brother to sister, mother to child. Blood ties can be unyielding as the are eternal. But it is our bonds of choice that truly light the road we travel. Love versus hatred. Loyalty against betrayal. A person’s true destiny can only be revealed at the end of his journey,.
Emily Thorne
Just as there are two sides to every story, there are two sides to every person. One that we reveal to the world and another we keep hidden inside.

The greatest weapon anyone can use against us is our own mind. By preying on the doubts and uncertainties that already lurk there. Are we true to to ourselves? Or do we live for the expectations of others? And if we are open and honest, can we ever truly be loved? Can we find the courage to release our deepest secrets, or in the end are we all unknowable… even to ourselves.

-Emily Thorne

It’s gonna take a while.. It’s gonna take a long while..
What to do.. What to believe..

Hi, it’s been a long time since my last post. Udah lama ga bisa menemukan  kata-kata yang bisa dituangkan jadi sesuatu yang meaningful. Well, I’m not saying this is gonna be something meaningful to read. But finally, I’ve found something to talk about.

People say that your past doesn’t define you. That you are not the choices you’ve made. You are not the bad things that have happened to you. Is that true?

For me, my past does defines me. The choices I’ve made have changed me.. a lot. I am not the person I used to be. Sometimes I miss that girl, but she won’t come back.

2 hours ago, my boyf called me. He just finished his meeting with a couple of his colleague. He talked to me, passionately. And I just love it. He told me a couple things he learned from that meeting. And he said that we just have to believe in God and have a faith that nothing is impossible for Him. 

I believe in God. I trust Him. Truly. But I don’t have that kind of faith anymore..and a passion like that.. Oh gosh, I miss that feeling. Tiba-tiba rasanya sakit dan sesek. Rasanya seperti tenggelam. Ga bisa nafas, ga bisa ngelawan, ga bisa ngelakuin apapun. And then I just cried. I cried for a long time.

Can you tell me what to do when I don’t have that faith anymore? When I can’t believe that things will get better.. What do I do when I’m too tired to fight?

I’m tired.

I’m just tired.

Really.